Yowza!

whew i feel like i am in a whirlwind today.

i had such a nice time at Montana's. It seriously made me want to move to Albuquerque. His friends and roommates are super chill and his house is so nice. It was just really great to be around some quality people. I feel like I've been missing out on quality time. It's either work work work or drinking with semi-superficial people (who are fun but it never really goes deep) like Annie or sitting at home with Max. It was also really nice to get away for a second. The drive from Santa Fe to Albu is so awesome too, its straight up desert for an hour which really reminds you where you are.

He and his friends picked me up and we drove to this girl Kathy's house. Then just Montana and I went to this concert at a coffee shop but only stayed for like 5 mins because it was LOUD and "too Anglo"' for Montana. Ha. Then we met up with his roommates at this dude's house and chilled there and drank for a bit. He lives with these two girls named Rochelle and Rachel and this boy whose name i forget who i didnt meet. The dude whose house it was is friends with Rochelle from work and the place was pretty cool. It was like this ghetto of studio-style one bedroom adobe houses and we were hanging out in the middle of all of them. There was this girl there named Malinda who had just moved to Santa Fe a week ago and was staying there because her grandmother owns the whole place. She was only 18 and from New York and SO NEW YORK i kindof couldnt handle it. She said that she had dropped out of school after 9th grade and was just a huge partier and had to get out of the crazy destructive lifestyle so she came out to New Mexico and left her fake ID at home. She was supposed to PA on a film in Taos and that was the plan until she got here and realized that the fact that she cant drive and doesnt have a license means she really cant do shit as a Production Assistant on a movie in the middle of the desert. She was cliched and ridiculous but a sweet girl, totally looking for a mama or a papa - really anyone to look up to. I havent felt so old in a while.

After that we went home and i slept on the couch. We woke up at 6:30am to catch the liftoff of the hot-air balloons which have taken over Albuquerque for the week-long International Hot Air Balloon Festival which is taking place this week. We drove to this fancy neighborhood along this bluff on the West side of Albuquerque overlooking the Rio Grande (which is a surprisingly lush little valley) and it was fucking magical. Hundreds of balloons just taking off in the air - i've never seen anything like it. They were all different colors and shapes and some flew right over us and we watched ths sun rise in the sky. it was so special. haha - see below:



Then we went and ate breakfast burritos and Rochelle and Montana drove me back to Santa Fe just in time for me to meet this woman who is Dee's roommate at 1pm. I talked to her for a while and it's pretty much a done deal that i am moving in as soon as Dee moves out. I have told Max about the prospect but not about the decision. I am feeling more and more like it's the right thing. The woman's name is Elle and she seems a little high strung but also sweet and easy to get along with. She is from Espanola (30 mins away from Santa Fe) and is applying to business schools in the fall.

After the meeting i walked home, its such a gorgeous day here. I have work in an hour and i am feeling a little exhausted but at least i have a few moments of downtime before the crazyness of the Cowgirl.

I kindof want to move to Albuquerque. It would just be so nice to have a scene, and people to hang with and do art with and concerts to go to and more stores and nightlife and all that. But im committed to riding shit out here, and at least giving this place a chance. My job is pretty fun for now and there are some things i am interested in pursuing here, and that's enough to keep me happy and busy for a while.

ok time to suit up yeeeeeehaw

the Santa Fe way

today was a weird day because i had Max's car and was driving around but i had nowhere to go really. That's one of the most annoying things about being somewhere new - connecting the dots. I just dont know enough yet to make it all work, and usually i will have something i want to do but no way to do it, or all the time and resources in the world but nothing to do, or no one to do something with. it's sortof tragic/absurd. and, i like to think, character building.

sean kingston is amazing. i think i like his music almost as much as i like sean paul's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmcmTE7NIAY

i am waiting for montana to come pick me up with his friends and drive me to his place in Albuquerque where i'm going to spend the night. i think there's nothing that i hate more than waiting for the phone to ring :)

also, days off are sweet. but i kindof like working. it just feels more purposeful. it just gets kindof exhausting.

I'm meeting the woman who has the husband who owns the house tomorrow at 1pm to talk logistics. im pretty sure it's the right thing to do, though nothing has progressed this past week because i havent been able to get in touch with Dee when we're not working to arrange a time for me to meet the landlords. I'm starting to think that flakey-ness is just the Santa Fe way. I dont know if that's a good or a bad thing.... at least it should teach me to stop taking it personally.

Ah, Life.

geeeeeez.

so i just got off work and it was CRAZZZZZY tonight. i had like a million 12 tops and everything was going totally nuts because one of the bussers just walked out in the middle of his shift and there were no glasses and everything was such a mess. In the end it was all ok though, and i made some money but JESUS did i want to die for a while.

today i got coffee at Counter Culture and a girl named Bucket came up to me and introduced herself and asked me if i was new in town and gave me her number. weird.

What else has been going on? not much. i have been working every night which is actually ok because i dont really have anything better to do. After work on tuesday i got VERY drunk and hung out with Annie and then just kept drinking and somehow ended up at her house (to this day, have NO IDEA how we got there) and she was telling me to stay over but then she was passed out and i was like shit yo im going HOME. but i was too drunk to really do anything and didnt know where my shit was and all i had was some crumpled up dollar bills in my jeans pocket and i was trying desperately to remember max's phone number. i probably could have just passed out there but i was feeling really strange and sick and wanted to go home please thank you. so then i somehow found my shit and called Max. it was like 4:30am but he came and picked me up which was so nice. i was a total wreck. i think i really cant keep up with these drinkers, man. it was crazy. but yeah, im also just not used to how they party here, and i think it freaked me out that i didnt know where i was or how to get home by myself. I am lucky to have a friend like Max though. and it works out because he likes playing the hero.

i like working with Dee and Annie. they are fun. i think we are all three friends but sometimes i dont know. like yesterday there was no doubt about it but today...why dont they call me back? am i being too sensitive? yes. i just have no patience is the truth. i gotta work brunch tomorrow but i feel too wired to go to sleep right now.


So i think i am going to move out of Max's and into Dee's house (since she's moving out to live with Heather, this bartender from work). I looked at it the other day, and her room is really nice. It's kinda weird to be living with a couple, like i feel like i might feel like a houseguest for a while, or forever, but there are alot of advantages:

1) its CHEAP, since the rent for a 2-bedroom is split between 3 people

2) it's in a pretty part of town, unlike Max's which is kinda in the ghetto - not in a scary way but just in a white trash, everyone here has owned there little adobe home for a million generations way.

3) there is a kitten named gizmo to play with

4) i just kindof dont really like living here that much. i mean, there are a lot of cool things about it, like i can do whatever i want, there's internet, i can have people over and feel more like i own the place but also Max is a little much and i think i want my own space.

ok i think i am going to watch the end of the good shepherd now.

some days you feel dp*, some days you don't.

* (stands for depressed. its a clinical abbreviation. halley taught it to me.)


It is a very gray monday here in Santa Fe. I dont have work today which rules. Although it always makes me feel like somewhat less of a person. As if i am still in the ant colony reaping the benefits but not pulling my weight, you know? My weekend was at once very fun and very terrible feeling. On Friday after i got off work I came home and like rested for a little. Then i decided to mobilize and Max came out with me to this party that Claire and her roommates were at. It was a crazy house FULL of lesbians and Max basically did at 180 as soon as he walked into the room because he wanted to go get his cigarettes and he was stoned and basically flipping out. All the parties i have been to here are like house parties from high school, its weird. I knew a lot of people at this one, just because of things i have been to and people i have met at the Aztec or at that crazy marching band at Penasco which is kindof cool, but also reminds me how TINY this place is, and specifically this particular lesbian/circusfolk scene. Anyway, the party was kindof awesome because there was a DJ and SO much free booze and a keg and cake and chocolates. Also a bonfire and sortof alot of people. It would have totally been the best party ever, had i been there with friends instead of basic strangers. It was a little intense though. The theme was "dirty" and the people who were dressed up for it looked INSANE. There were girls in leather bras and black ball gowns and Claire's roommate crow was dressed up as a boxer with a fake black eye and make-up like bruises. It was a little bit of a freakshow. So we kicked it there for a little while but then decided to leave. Although i did feel a little like i couldnt leave his side, it was rally nice to have Max there with me because i had been so used to going to shit like that ALL by myself, which can be freeing and does force you to make friends but it is also so exhausting. So Max and i got into his car and then i called Annie who was just getting off work because she had told me about this party that i should come to with her. She and Dee were still at the Cowgirl so we drove there and Max met all the crazies that i work with. Then we got back into the Subaru and drove to Annie's friend's house. Annie kept making fun of Max for having a child, which was funny at the time but was actually kindof thoughtless and maybe even cruel. It is a little absurd that she and Dee were jammed into the backseat next to an empty carseat, but if Annie had been even the tiniest bit empathetic, she wouldnt have made Max feel like any more of a weirdo for the way his life is. This next party was completely different, but also the same. It was a much more hip scene, with tight jeans and big glasses and artsy people. We got there pretty late, things were winding down when we came in and a lot of people were just lying on the floor chilllllllling really hard. I saw this girl who looked familiar and i was like "have i met you before?" and she was like "probably." and that was it, which i found obnoxious. No one there was really outgoing or friendly, which sucked but i sortof dont blame them. it was a party where everyone knew each other, not a meet and greet type thing. However, i was reminded of the awkward, insecurity-bred aarogance of nyc and hipsters and all that. I do feel like i cant be that critical if i know that i have been like that, and probably would have been like that if i were them.

Dee left basically right when we got there but Annie, Max and I hung out. Annie introduced me to her friends and we talked to this guy David a lot. Her friend whose house it was is named Tug. He sleeps on a loft bed and is an Artist. She showed me this poster that he had put up for a party that he had a little while ago called "Hey, That's My House!" where he had gone around and taken creepy stalker-esque pictures of all his friends' houses and then printed them out and put them on the wall for people to notice during the party. i thought that was funny. We went home around 3 and drove Annie to her place. She was like "lets all have brunch tomorrow! i'll call you when i wake up!" Then Max and i got home and talked on the couch for a while about love and life and things like that which was fun.

Saturday was just a wack day. Annie never called which made me feel completely undeservedly upset about life. I just hate when people set you up for something that seems a little too much, but then you expect it and then you feel dumb when its taken away. I think i was also just due for a day of feeling heart-wrenchingly lonely and depressed. I got out of bed late and went running but then it started pouring rain. Then i went to get coffee except the place was closing. Max picked me up and we put my bike in the back of his car and then drove up to this gorgeous mountain top to watch the sunset. As we were driving it starting pouring huge rain droplets but the sun was still shining and it felt like we were in the tropics and then there were TWO RAINBOWS in the sky. it was SO beautiful. We watched the sky for like an hour in this national park and talked about colors and weather and illusions and photoshop and things like that. then we rented The Departed and drank Vodka. i felt pretty bad for myself but Max was a really good friend and it was so nice to have his company.

Sunday i worked brunch which sortof brought me back to reality. I was working with Brian and Johny and i like them a lot. The shift kindof sucked though because we got slammed right away and didnt have enough coffee or dishes or anything. This one party gave me a $40 tip on $100 though which was awesome. Johny gave some guy caffeinated coffee instead of decaf because we didnt have any decafe but then found out later that this old man couldnt drink any caffeine because he has heart palpatations. FUCKED UP but also funny. Brian kept making fun of him and calling him a murderer. ha. After work i went to Jarratt and Dinah's for dinner which is just always lovely. Jarratt has cancer in his liver and is waiting for a transplant which is scary. They have to be ready to drive to Denver at the drop of a hat but they both seem pretty ok about it all.

Now i have to run to go look at Dee's house because she is about to move out and i might move in. I am going to write an entry soon about all of the ridiculous characters at the Cowgirl and some funny things that have happened there.

choices

i cant remember why i wanted to call this blog entry "choices" but i do remember coming up with it when i was drunk the other night and it seeming brilliant.

i feel in a bad bad stupid mood where i am my own worst enemy and i am mostly just BORED.

at Brian's brithday party i met a guy who had this huuuuge tattoo running up and down the side of his torso that said "choice" one way and "destiny" if you read it the other way. it was pretty sweet.

The party was fun. There were all these sketchy looking guys and then a lot of tall girls. There was one dude named Arthur that had fucked up teeth and rap-around sunglasses and that hairdo where its all shaved except for a greasy ponytail. There was also a guy that literally looked like the dumb one from King of the Hill with a mesh trucker hat and long blonde hair and all. I got VERY stoned and everything was hilarious especially because i ate like 4 pieces of this "ganja carrot cake." I took a cab home with Dee and Annie and this annoying manager with a really high pitched voice named Christina. There is a rapist on the loose here so girls get free cab rides in the nighttime but it was awkward because the cab driver didnt believe we were all girls because my hair is short. Then as luck would have it i had to sit next to him in the front seat and actually could not keep my shit together and kept cracking up. It didnt help that he was playing this creepy organ funeral music and the doors wouldnt open from the inside :)

baaaah i feel crazy and have cabin fever right now. i am going to take a walk while there is still some sunlight to be had. also i need cafine. caffine? cafene? how do you spell that?!?!

the hardest part about rollerblading...

yo yo yo yo yo.

so it is Wednesday evening. i am waiting for my friend Dee from work to call me so that we can go to Brian's birthday party together. I think we are going to wait for Annie to get off work and all go together. I'm excited to hang out with all of them outside of work. i sortof invited max to come because Brian wants people to bring friends but now i feel like that might be SHMAWKward just because Max is, well, Max.

I closed last night which was allllright. the place was empty from about 10pm on even though there was this pretty awesome DJ spinning. Dee and Annie hung out and got waaaasted while Brian and I closed. It was a long night but i made money which was good. The thing that sucked was that i had to get up at 9 this morning to go to that New Mexico Alcohol Server certification class. It was actually pretty painless though. The instructor was this really sweet old woman. The only trouble was that Max dropped me off at the hotel where the class was SUPPOSED to be held, but upon walking in i found out that the location was changed. Luckily i saw this girl who looked like she was my age and it turned out she was there for the same reason and she gave me a ride to the correct hotel across town.

I'm trying to think what else is up with me... I am sortof feeling more and more settled in all the time. I think that's why i have been writing less, just cause i'm a little busier and spending time at work, and a little time making new friends. There are deffinitely some things i have been meaning to write about though:

Last night at work this little boy asked me "Are you a boy or a girl?" and it was just awkward and then their parents wouldnt really make eye contact with me when we dealt with the check. Also, earlier in the night the dad had asked for a shot of Chamucas tequila and his daughter asked him "why daddy? are you sick??" so earnestly and with such concern in her voice that it was tragically adorable.

I've decided i need a car. it's the next thing on my list.

I am looking at this room in this house tomorrow to see about moving out. Dee (from work) lives there now with this nice blonde couple but she is moving out to live with one of the bartenders from the Cowgirl named Heather. Rent is really cheap because i would be sharing a 2-bedroom with a couple. It's only $450 (might be $500) which includes utilities. I have to share a bathroom which sucks but who knows, i'm gonna see how i like it and just keep my options open. things are deffinitely comfortable here with max, and there are a lot of really sweet things about living here (its nice to have a friend, i can really do whatever i want and not feel bad, there's internet, the house itself is nice and i can always have people over, the location is sweet....) but i am purposely not making my room into a real home yet. I just havent decided if i want to settle settle here and i like the feeling that i could just throw all my stuff in a bag and make a location change. that will get old though, i know it.

On Monday after I drove Max to the car dealership, he and I went with Andrei to this foundry in Tesuque (little town near Santa Fe) and walked around this sculpture garden. It was really fun. It was just a lovely afternoon and that child is such a sweetie. His favorite thing is to make boats by finding pieces of bark and sticking flowers in them and then watching them float down this little babbling brook. We ate at this little restaurant in the town and it was pretty idyllic.

I am looking into stuff to supplement my life out here so that i dont spend all of my free time and work time at the friggin Cowgirl. I am talking to this girl about volunteering at the Contemporary Arts Center here. It's hard though, i feel a little exhausted lately - it's hard to get used to this late night schedule and part of my initial awe and energy and desire to check out every last little thing all the time in this place is fading. I think that's normal though.

And in conclusion, do you know what the hardest part about rollerblading is?

telling your mom you're gay.

love morgan

Quickie

now i have internet at home! which is awesome but also means that i cant really write at this second because i am on max's computer and he needs it back.

here's the news from New Mexico in brief:

Things with max got smoothed out, he didnt want to talk but we wrote each other some stupid notes and then things just sortof blew over. I realized that i was being a pretty dramatic female and tried to just let it go. It was pouring when i had to go to work so i couldnt bike downtown and i called max and he drove me which was very sweet. Andrei was in the car and he was so excited to see me and i was so excited to see him that it made my day. There is nothing like a 3 year old to give you a pick me up before you spend the night scraping BBQ sauce and ketchup and fajita's off of plates into the trash :)

I worked Thursday and Saturday which was good. Except it was very slow on Sat so i got cut at around 8pm and made no $$$ and had no one to hang out with which was depressing. But hey, i mean if getting high by myself and watching Weeds is as bad as it gets, things could be worse.

On Friday Claire came over and we grilled which was nice. the food was delicious and we all got kindof drunk and then Joey came over and so did Claire's new roommate, this girl named Lena. She is from Kentucky and was cool.

I worked brunch on Sunday and went out for a drink after my shift with Celeste (one of the hostesess, she has no eyebrows and paints them on everyday) Brian and these two managers, Alona and Stephanie (the one who hired me) which was fun. We ended up back at the Cowgirl to see this band and i got pretty drunk and then went to some other bars with this othe girl i work with named Annie. She is pretty awesome and from Philly but went to the College of Santa Fe and ended up staying out here. it was cool to hang with those people, working in a place like that really gets you a crew right away... its kindof crazy.

ok i have to go drive max to the lot so he can pick up his new car.

more later 4 sure.