Dayum

oh MAN i have had an exhausting week. I have been working a LOT and not sleeping very much AT ALL. I worked Tues, Weds and Thurs nights and then I just finished my Friday day shift. I am pretty much completely burnt out. Here's what else has been going on:

1) I went to this bar called Willie's after work and totally stupidly left my backpack and vest with my wallet in the pocket hanging over the back of this chair while i went up to get a drink. When i came back to get my shit, it was nowhere to be found. Granted, i had been getting drunk for about an hour before i came to look for it but FUCK. that really sucked. I was with Annie and she was wasted and not being that helpful and i was kindof freaking out but i just had to suck it up and her friend Mark drove me home which was nice. Having my shit stolen was probably the worst part of this week. Besides being a total nuisance, it also put me in a really dark place for a while where I couldnt stop thinking about how i shouldnt have come to Santa Fe and that the world is full of villains. I'm sortof getting over that but i still feel a little saddened and betrayed by this place.

2) I drove drunk last night which was retarded and i feel very guilty about it. Maybe thats not such a big deal but to me it is and i sortof told myself i would never do it but then i did and everything was ok except i feel retarded and terrible about it. I think i just had to get that off my chest...

its weird to be coming to terms with how much power i have over my own life. i feel like i am only just realizing that i really can do whatever i want, or at least chose whatever i want and then do everything i can to make it happen. it sounds kindof retarded but i think this just never occurred to me before because i was so busy with school and just riding all of that shit out. It was mostly easy and obvious and often fun but i never challenged it, or really took responsibility for it. I guess i am trying to do that now. It is both scary and exciting to own the past and the future, but ultimately that is what makes the present meaningful i think.

ok i need to take a little power nap so that i can decide if i feel up to hanging out tonight or not at all :)